Tomorrow I turn 44. The past twelve months have brought so many massive changes; job, relationships, practice, housing. Massive stress and wonderful peace, confusion and clarity, suffering and joy. Somehow through it all, I kept going. If you asked me how I did it, I'd have to reply with something simple and kinda stupid; "I dunno. I just kept my head down and kept at it, I guess." That's not particularly earth-shattering wisdom, is it?
Well, in my life, that's actually a bit of a quantum shift. In many aspects of my life, I have great strength and resolve. I can suck it up and get through almost anything. But when it came to my own health--and weight specifically--that's decidedly not been the case. Somewhere in the past few years, something changed. The quitting sorta just stopped. I guess I quit quitting. And in doing so, in the past year, I've dropped an additional 70-some pounds. I now weigh 177lbs. I've lost about 114 lbs over-all in the last three years, and over 160 since I maxed out at 340-something back at the millennium. 114-160lbs? Depending on stature, that's a whole damn additional person! To think that I ever got around that way...
It's taken a long time, and it's been hard, at times damn hard, no question. But it can be done, without surgery, without quackery, without self-punnishment and without shame. The only things that you need--the only things--are self-love, patience and persistence. Oh, and a vigilant, diligent practice of suspending the judging mind. Easy? Hell no. Possible? Absolutely.
I am my own greatest gift.
Happy birthday to me. The new me. The old me. The only me I know. The one I meet anew every morning I wake.
Grant me serenity.
I'll accept the things I cannot change.
Give me the courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.