Friday, July 9, 2010

277 (Don't believe it...)

I'm still feeling pretty weak due to the restrictive diet and lack of protein, but the pounds are starting to melt off. Last night before bed, I dipped below 280 for the first time since a false reading of 277 on 5 July. This time I know it's real, which is good and encouraging. Went out to coffee (w0ot!) with a friend to a place down the street. Ordered a small iced soy mocha with whip and nursed it pretty effectively. It was satisfying, and gratifying as a reward for a week plus of rather restrictive practice. I think I'm going to allow myself one or two a week as a treat, but I'll be mindful of how large and how often, so as to not slip back into the daily habit again, at least for now. I may allow it as a daily once I hit the 250-260's because the diuretic boost I get is helpful. I think I may just go back to making mocha smoothies. Best of both worlds there.

When I got back, I was swimming in sweat (it's about 94f) so I popped in the shower. Before I did, I weighed myself. 277.0. I immediately called "bullsh!t" and knew better. Getting out, I weighed again, and was 278.6. My body had absorbed 1.6lbs of water. So, the lesson is: Dehydration for quick results, Hydration for a quick reality check! ;) But none-the-less, I'm only about 4.6lbs from my pre-winter balloon-up weight. That makes me feel good.

I'm still hungry most of the time, but it's pretty manageable by eating a Clementine orange or two, and maybe a banana. Pro'lly eating a bit too much cheese popcorn, but I'll allow that for the moment, as it really satisfies the whole munch thing. Need to go get it and make it at home to save monies. I'll ping Freecycle for a used air-popper. I like it nearly as much with nutritional yeast as powdered cheese anyway. I want to make a Toby's clone soon too, probably tomorrow. Tofu, Nutri-Yeast, Veganaise, onions and celery. I found some awesome black-bean tortilla chips that are about 1/2 the carbs and more protein that regular, and that together sounds awesome. I really appreciate being able to figure out how to make lots of things (read: "products") I like myself at home. Saving money is always gratifying, but there's also something really nurturing about that. Sorta like food-based metta for myself.

Hunger. Yeah. Challenging practice. But I'm hungering for something different now, and I can feel it well up inside me. I want health again. Yes, part of it is to look better than I do (I accept myself as I am, but at the same time, I look back to when I was near 250, and I really miss looking like that, and moreover, FEELING like that) but I really am just doing this for it's own sake. For the sake of being more healthy. I missed 250 a few years ago by just three pounds. Three pounds!  I haven't weighed 250 since highschool.  Then everything changed.  My primary relationship changed, my daughter came back from Cali with a heroin addiction, and I asked my primary for a divorce.  Boom, boom, boom.  I nurtured myself and my daughter through that very hard time with food, as I always do.  But "nurture" with too much of anything will bloat you.  And once again, I took it too far.  I remember spending the new year of 2009 alone, ringing it in with a half a pound of brie.  By myself.  Sounds damn depressing, dunnit?  It sorta was.  But I needed to step off of the vegan thing for a bit.  I'm glad I did, but cheese is a very limited thing for me now.

Anyway, more as it happens.  Making myself a salad for dinner consisting of cold chicken curry, and curry flavored Yumm sauce and other assorted stuff.

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