Wednesday, August 4, 2010

269 and holding...

Well, I've hit the wall a bit, and in a number of areas.  Been eating a bit more, and added back in a carb or two (sprouted grain English muffin in the morning, and a mocha).  Haven't really put anything back on, but have stalled at losing, even with the walking.

Which has me on the horns of a dilemma.

And I don't like it.

At all.

I really, REALLY need to lose this weight.  And the faster I get down to 250, the better I'll feel (although that number is not my final goal number.  The real, long-term goal is about 200lbs, which by most "ideal weight calcs I can find is somewhere between 155-165 lbs, which to me seems kinda laughable, anyway...)  As I said, I've hit the wall.  No real movement for about a week.  I know why.

I shook off this stone-plus since July 1st with a controlled starvation.  Now before you get all uppity about it, yes I know that starvation is bad.  However, I needed to get a buncha weight off fast in order for me (my knees and hips mostly) to actually be able to exercise a bit (he says whilst typing and not walking like he needs to do yet today).  I also knew full well that it was not sustainable, but I got this head-start in place, and now it's time to find an approach that is doable for the next few months, not mere weeks.

I have been a pretty ardent vegetarian for almost eight years, and was pretty strictly vegan for about three.  This is for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I believe that the entire meat industry is damaging to our country, and our world.  I have seen the cruelty that is inflicted upon animals, and I've seen it up-close and personal.  At times, it's even been at my own hand.  So I have very good reasons why I haven't eaten animals for so long.  However, I have found a way to be a fat vegetarian, and even a fat VEGAN.

A few months ago, I added home-cooked fish back into my diet for protein and health reasons.  I'd eaten sushi, but backed off that due to rice carbs.  But I knew that I needed a dense source of protein every once in a while, so I started making Ahi tuna steaks.  It's helped a lot, and every time I eat one, I'm hyper-mindful that it was once a swimming, living being.

I'm starting to understand that I've been doing things very wrong for a rather long time.  I have been treating carbohydrates like they don't matter, because it's easy to find vegetarian and vegan carbs.  But they are carbs, and I'm now really getting my head around the fact that--for my entire life--carbs are the issue.  They always have been.

I have a friend that's on a very-low-carb diet that helps induce ketosis.  When you're in a state of controlled ketosis, your body burns fat instead of muscles -via- keytones.  It's pretty restrictive, but at the same time, it does work.  Now I'd always been very dubious about diets like this because you're putting yourself in a state of unbalance.  But I've been doing some research and some soul(less) searching lately, and I realized a few things, namely that I'm already in an unbalanced state.  I am, and I have been nearly my whole life.

Let's look at an example: let's say you have a stick (like a dowel) about 4' tall, and you hang it from a string off a tree limb.  If the air is still, it will just dangle there, nearly motionless; a pendulum at the bottom of its arc.  If you wanted it to be completely motionless, all you would need to do is reach out your hand a bit and hold it there, stilling it even further.

Now let's say that you shove that stick hard, making it swing wildly.  It will do as gravity and physics dictates and swing to and fro for a good long while.  If you want that balance-point achieved again, a mere motion of your hand won't do it.  You'll need to really reach out and chase that stick down and bring it back into alignment.  Read differently: you'll need more extreme measures to bring it back into a balanced state.

The short story here is this: I am considering adding meat back into my diet, and following a very controlled low-carb diet for a while.  For now, I'll stay with fish, but I'm starting to consider fowl & poultry again.  I am NOT, however, to the point of considering red meat.  I just don't think I can do it.  I don't think I could live with myself if I did.  This is an awful place to be, these horns.  But I know that, in snagging a line from one of my most beloved cartoons "Desperate times call for desperate desperateness."

Actually, I plan on talking to my Roshi about this.  More as it develops.  But tonight, it's tuna steaks for dinner...

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